Exdeath's Shameful Secret
by Finished and Gone
Summary: Cloud and Squall are upto no good. Ultemecia and Cloud of Darkness need a super model. Emperor is plotting to kill Garland but Exdeath....He has a shameful secret...
1. The Dark Knight

Cosmos' ten legendary warriors gathered around a bonfire in the Rift.

Onion Knight stayed close to Terra as always. He was her little guard but no one dared to challenge his wit. Squall and Cloud stayed a few metres away.

Warrior of Light sat beside Squall.

The SeeD member could not help but growl. Light did not notice. He was too busy finding entertainment in watching Bartz and Zidane fighting over the last piece of Chocobo kebab.

Firion laughed at their puerile behaviour. Squall stood up immediately to dismiss the dazzling warrior with the horned helmet just when Cecil walked over to the group.

He transformed into his paladin form and flicked his hair as he passed Cloud.

The man with glowing mako eyes curled his fists into a compacted ball until he could feel his blunt nails tearing through his leather glove slightly.

He was jealous of Cecil. Who wouldn't be? Cecil was gorgeous.

True, he had a few feminine features but he was blessed with the most perfect muscled body among them all, Firion and Warrior of Light drawing after him.

But Cloud,

He was the most jealous of all.

To him Cecil was an over-abundant freak. The man did not go to bed without his beauty products, something Cloud had longed to do himself.

Terra's hand cream had wasted one day so she borrowed her Lunarian comrade's more expensive one without asking.

Cecil roared like a beast when Luneth accidentally slipped the information. Thankfully, Warrior of Light, the leader, was there at the time and helped Cecil gain control over himself and act like the knight he was supposed to be.

Anyways, back to our story.

Cloud had planned for twelve days on a good plot against Cecil. He smirked surreptitiously.

"Hey Cecil, you know when you're a dark knight? How do you compromise you're good and dark side?"

Cloud polished his sword. His voice was low and quiet but he managed to capture Light and Squall's attention.

Cecil blinked as if the Ex-SOLDIER asked an absurd question. His beautiful, pale skin emitted celestial light onto his features.

He shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, I won't have the kind of answer you're looking for."

Cloud's sudden wolfish sneer did not bother Cecil Harvey because the blond wore that expression most of the time.

Cloud knew he was evading the question just as he evaded the question about what he dreams for when Cloud had told him about Firion' s petulant drean.

"Honest men have honest dreams".

That was what the Lunarian told him. Cloud came to the conclusion that Cecil was probably not honest.

Behind that mask of chivalry, he was a son of a bitch.

"I'll take any answer," Cloud said. He sensed that he piqued Warrior of Light and Squall's interest in the topic. Their curious facial expressions caused Terra and Onion Knight to sit with them.

Cecil was trapped.

Too many of his allies were watching him. His blush became obvious on his to-die-for, pallid skin.

He cleared his throat to avoid a hoarse voice. That would be embarrassing.

"I suppose the best answer would be that you could either die as a hero or live being a villain."

Tidus stopped his blitzball training and glanced at Cecil with a raised eyebrow.

"Nice answer Cecil but does that mean you're a villain?" the youth asked quizzically.

Light's stern blue eyes shot open and looked larger than their usual size.

"Cecil is a villain!? He must be manipulated by one of Chaos' minions!" he exclaimed.

Terra nodded in concern and told them how Kefka was good at controlling people.

Cecil laughed unaware of the danger he has gotten himself into.

Before he could reassure them that he got the phrase from a famous movie, Light threw his heavy shield on the beautiful Lunarian.

"Shine!"

Cecil fell back as he suffered an attack of the purest light. It was light so pure that it did not show any mercy.

"Shine!"

Another blow for the dark knight.

He knelt in pain and pleaded for the Warrior of Light to stop. Firion trembled in panic and slipped away into the shadows so he did not have to interfere.

"Shine! Let the light be your saviour!"

Cecil rolled across the plain and sobbed when the third strike of burning light cracked the armour around his chest.

"Shine!"

"Somebody stop him!" gasped Terra. She looked around for Firion. He would be the strongest to stop their leader but he was nowhere in sight.

"Shine!"

Cecil screamed as one of his front teeth broke away from his gum.

The light poured into his throat and scorched the sensitive tissue.

Bartz ran in front of the Warrior of Light and mimicked a sleeping spell. The tall warrior immediately collapsed onto the floor, his face peaceful as he slept.

As Cecil watched his sleeping comrade, it was hard to believe that this young man was a killing machine a few minutes ago. He smiled feebly at the others to ensure that he would live.

Cloud scrutinized the dark knight's wounds hungrily.

The white skin that looked similar to a full moon was burning red in some areas. That could easily be cured by Terra's curaga. As for the missing tooth, Cosmos would be able to regenerate it with her goddess abilities.

"Damn!" Cloud whispered as he looked at the floor.

He did not realize Squall staring at him.

He watched Cloud with his feline eyes. The Lion knew what the Lamb did not.

"I only took my phrase from the Dark Knight movie" Cecil chuckled.

Cloud cursed his jovial and pure heart. Cecil was able to forgive unlike him.

"You should play for Batman in a Final Fantasy version!" Zidane blurted.

"Yes and Kefka should be the Joker!"Terra smiled.

The group immediately began to agree.

"You know, when Light-boy there wakes up, we should tell him to tell Tetsuya Nomura to make a Final Fantasy version of the Dark Knight starring Cecil Harvey" suggested Squall.

He ran his gloved hand through his brown hair and felt proud to have taken part in the conversation.

Cloud smirked.

"I'm Nomura's favourite character and I've had the most appearances in many different games. He'd pick me obviously."

He did not see the Yoshitaka Amano characters glare at him (except for the Warrior of Light who was still sound asleep.)


	2. My immortal

Cloud was unable to sleep in his tent that night. He was pondering on whether to tell Cecil that he was the reason behind Warrior of Light's attack.

He waited for twelve torturous days until this moment would come because he knew Cecil was obsessed with Batman. He knew Cecil would immediately associate himself with the Dark Knight movie.

It felt so wrong now.

He wished to apologise but was afraid of what the others would think of him if they found out.

"I think...I want to be forgiven..."

"Forgive your chocobo head of hair first!" A rough voice told him.

Cloud sat up with haste.

"Who's there!?"

Did Cecil hear him? Did he know? Was Cloud talking to himself while he was brooding, unaware of it all?

A leather clad figure entered the tent.

"Relax you dumb ass. It's just me" replied the Lion.

Squall tossed his revolver blade beside Cloud's impossibly large one.

He sat opposite the startled Soldier.

For a long moment, they simply stared at each other. Cloud could only make out the shine reflecting off of Squall's necklace. Squall only saw the glowing deep blue eyes before him.

They seemed larger from a shorter distance, so salient in the darkness.

"What do you want from me?" Cloud started.

He glared fiercely. Squall returned the glare.

"I know you hate Cecil."

Cloud's astonished gasp was music to his ears.

"Don't tell him about today!"

"On one condition only."

"Anything, as long as it isn't stupid like dressing up as a girl or giving black Materia to a bad guy."

"You see, I hate someone too, Cloud."

The blonde was not surprised by this. For all he knew, Leon hated everyone.

"Not interested."

"I have a plan to get that goody-two shoes running around in circles. If you do not help, I'll tell our leader what a splendid scheme you thought of for poor Cecil."

Squall had malice in his smile. Cloud knew he had no choice but to participate.

After all, he was only a puppet.

* * *

Amy Lee's strong, dulcet voice echoed around the room.

Sharp nails twisted the volume button so her voice became louder.

"_If you had to leave....I wish that you would just leave..."_

Exdeath walked slowly towards the window. The ache in his heart was unbearable.

His memory flashed back to the encounter he had with the Wandering Wind, his nemesis, his salvation.

"You shall come and join me..." he told the boy in his deep warlock voice.

Cosmos' warrior knitted his brows and waved a hand dismissively.

"Whatever, Tree-Death, I'm having a race with Zidane. I don't have time for you asshole!"

And then the Wandering Wind took off.

Exdeath wanted to encapsulate that moment when he watched the boy run ahead, the blue-white cape flowing effortlessly, the slim but strong legs taking swift, confident steps.

The light from the calm sun glimmered onto his satin skin.

The young man's insult was like a sharp dagger through Exdeath's heart.

"_I held your hand through all of these years but you still have...All of me...."_

Exdeath knelt down and wept. The pain in his heart had not seized since that encounter.

How could Bartz have been so cruel to him? Why was he too innocent not to realize the feelings Exdeath carried for him? There was no one in Chaos' palace that Exdeath could confide with.

He was all alone.

* * *

Emperor passed Ultemecia's room. He was too busy thinking of a way to become ruler of the universe that he did not realise the high-pitched giggle coming from inside.

"That is an excellent photo Ultemecia!" Cloud of Darkness exclaimed. She observed the picture once again. The tentacles on each of her sides wriggled tiredly.

It was past midnight.

The two evil women were planning to publish their new magazine: 'Griever and Void'.

It was a magazine directed to all Final Fantasy women. Already, they had many requests.

"It seems like the ladies really want to know more about the Warrior of Light. We should interview him and ask him to be the super model for our mag."

The cloud nodded to the witch's suggestion.

Ultemecia folded her arms and smirked.

"Hey, I have a secret to tell you."

"Tell me Ultemecia!"

The sorceress shook her head.

The other woman frowned. She was surprised that Ultemecia was blushing and giggling like a teenage girl.

"I have a crush on Sephiroth!"

The two women cheered and talked about the one winged angel.

He was definitely a seductive fighter with his long silver hair and well built torso.

Sephiroth was another target for their magazine and for Ultemecia.

* * *

Emperor Mateus stopped outside Chaos' room.

He estimated that in order to be the ruler of the world he would have to be Chaos' favourite crony.

He heard a voice with too much phlegm.

"I had a weird dream..."began Chaos.

His words were like booming thunder.

Emperor pressed his ear against the slightly warm, mahogany door.

"Please tell me, my lord." soothed Garland's voice.

Emperor jerked his head back. His long yellow hair fell over his broad shoulders. He gritted his teeth.

Garland.

He was Chaos' doted little pet.

Everyone despised the knight who was always given extra gifts by their master.

Chaos went as far as buying a whole carousel just for Garland.

It was not the gifts that angered the Emperor it was the fact that Garland was competition, maybe the potential winner.

Emperor stamped his foot on the boring green carpet. Garland will be finished.

He did not care if Garland died because once he became ruler, even Cosmos would bow to him.

"And I have the perfect death for you..."

**Coming up in the next chapter:**

"Warrior of Light, you have been such a charm to Final Fantasy heroines. What is the secret behind your good looks?" Ultemecia asked in an awfully pleasant voice.

The young man opposite her hesitated. His face was bland.

"Umh...I drink a lot of water and eat the recommended guideline for fruits and vegetables and...Uh...I also train often with my sword. Am I really good looking?" the Warrior of Light asked timidly. He tried to halt the colour from tingeing his cheeks but it was useless.

Ultemecia scratched a few notes on her page.

"And what is your name? This was asked by Rosa Farrell, Lenna Tycoon, Aerith Gainsborough and many more. The list is too long" she said, ignoring his question. The Warrior of Light almost choked on his Cow and Gates milk.

"N-name? Is it necessary?" he muttered.

Ultemecia rolled her honey-coloured, malevolent eyes.

"Of course it's necessary! Everyone has a name. It's the easiest question to answer. Now tell me your name."

"Can't I skip this question?"

"Stop acting like mystery man. Just tell me your name so I could get on with the interview."

"Hey, is that Bartz's chocobo there, pecking on your food?"

* * *

Kuja was so passionate about literally everything. Exdeath thought that he would be the best person to approach. Flashes of Bartz still haunted his dreams. He was a tree, and Bartz was a boy, they seemed compatible enough.

"I will force you to be mine if I have to" the sorcerer murmured under his breath. He undulated to Kuja but the latter was preoccupied with something else.

The poet's glance was upwards in the Pandemonium castle. His melancholic eyes were fixed on Emperor Mateus who was holding a reasonable sized flower-pot. A sickening grin was painted on the blond man's face. Below him, Garland was walking, unaware of a flower pot headed towards his direction.


	3. Soliloqay

"Aaargh!"

The scream woke the Warrior of Light like a clasp of thunder. He jolted up and grabbed his sword.

Light ran out of his tent with his blue bunny slippers, his hair still unruly and his mouth had the hideous morning breath.

The cry was coming from Cecil's baby-pink coloured tent. The Warrior of Light entered after tearing the front side of it.

He pointed his sword at a dishevelled Firion. Cecil was nowhere to be seen.

Firion kicked the pile of garments he had his hands in away from him.

"Firion? What are you doing rummaging through Cecil's underwear?" Light quirked an eyebrow.

Firion slid a pair of pink boxers with red love-hearts towards the pile with his foot.

The Warrior of Light grimaced with disgust.

"N-nothing. I was just looking for something that I lost" Firion's eyes began brimming with tears.

Light sighed and rolled his tired eyes. He patted the weapon master's back.

"What did you lose?"

"My wild rose! I can't find it anywhere." The waterfall of tears fell.

"Firion, that is horrible news but you will not find your rose in Cecil's private clothing," Light said, jerking his thumb at the garments.

Firion sniffed and blew his nose heavily into his bandanna.

"I checked in everyone's tent and clothes but..."

"You checked my underwear too!?" The Warrior of Light's sympathy diminished. His eyes flared with rage.

Firion took a cautious step away. No one wanted to deal with the bull when he was mad, even if he did not have his helmet on.

"I have to say Wollie, having boxers with 'I love the light' is pretty lame."

"You son of a..."

Firion squealed as Light grabbed the collar of his shirt and raised a fist.

"What's going on? Break it up," Squall pushed in between them.

"Firion's missing his rose," Light retorted. He folded his arms across his chest and pouted like a child.

Squall gasped. It was an exaggerated gasp.

"Oh, you poor thing! I think I know who took it," he said empathetically.

"You do?" Firion remarked. He had a flicker of hope in his heart.

"Who else would take it other than Sephiroth?"

At those words, the weapon master disappeared.

"I should go after him. He's not strong enough to beat anyone except Gabranth because Gabranth is a loser. Squall, you are in charge for now." Light returned to his tent.

Squall grinned. Everything was going according to his plan.

Cloud approached.

"Squall...I don't think we should be doing this."

"Whatever."

"Hey, where's Cecil?"

"Do you think I care, puppet?"

"No..."

"Exactly, puppet! What are you again?"

"A puppet..."

"Yeah, a poor little puppet!"

Exdeath faced his reflection in a tall mirror. Dawn never reached the castle of Chaos.

He reached his hand towards himself.

"To love or not to love, that is the question...What to love or not to love? That is the Real question.

I wander aimlessly yet my mind is filled with sweet thoughts of you....You, being the creamy white chocolate that not even the Void would dare to eat.

You are a wisp of ethereal delight, so pure in your youth and so exuberant. Yet I, being a malignant tree am deemed unworthy of your love..."

The green-clad sorcerer tried to wipe the sweat from his bark-like face only to remember that he had his smelly helmet on.

Exdeath sneered. He could not take it anymore! He had to tell someone about these sinful feelings so the sorcerer teleported to the Pandemonium dream world.

Should he tell Sephiroth? The only thing the silver haired monster cared about was...Well, his hair-and his mother thingy.

Ultemecia was a complete bitch; no one dared share secrets with her because she would be singing a song about them the next day in front of everyone.

Cloud of Darkness looked like a woman but in truth she had no gender what so ever. She or_ it _should be avoided. A being that had no reference to being male or female definitely did not have any feelings.

Kuja...Kuja was passionate about literally everything. Exdeath thought that he would be the best person to approach.

Flashes of Bartz still haunted his dreams. He was a tree, and Bartz was a boy, they seemed compatible enough.

"I will force you to be mine if I have to" the sorcerer murmured under his breath. He undulated to Kuja but the latter was preoccupied with something else.

The poet's glance was upwards in the Pandemonium castle. His melancholic eyes were fixed on Emperor Mateus who was holding a reasonable sized flower-pot. A sickening grin was painted on the blond man's face. Below him, Garland was walking, unaware of a flower pot headed towards his direction.

The flower pot came to a halt barely three inches away from Garland's armoured head. He realised he was the only one able to move but he did not realise what was hanging above him.

"Eh? What's going on?" he questioned, confused.

"I stopped time you buffalo. When will you ever learn? You have a huge head but with nothing inside except for mashed brains. Did that Light kid really cook you up that much?" Ultemecia replied as she floated over to him, a muscular Jecht at her side.

Her tanned companion snorted immoderately and Garland tried to ponder whether Tidus' father had switched bodies with a wild pig.

His eyes seemed beady enough...

Then Garland was struck by the fact that Ultemecia insulted him.

"Ah you creature of pure evil!" he exclaimed angrily and shook a large fist at her.

Ultemecia raised a shaped brow, "Irony...I just hate it. Anyways, let us come to the point. Chaos had another dream (The witch rolled her eyes at this). He wants to share it with you."

Garland gasped and jogged in one spot.

"Not again! He's gonna turn me into psychopathic patient! His latest dream was that Exdeath has fallen in love with a warrior of Cosmos! That is impossible."

"I think our _master _has bipolar disorder or something like that. You should not keep him so long. Time may wait for me but not for you," Ultemecia sighed.

"Baby, my time will always wait for you," winked Jecht.

Ultemecia grunted in disgust along with Garland. She walked away with the horned warrior leaving Jecht in Garland's place.

The former blitzballer rubbed his arm on his neck.

"Women...I thought they loved me..."

Suddenly the flowerpot landed with a crash on Jecht's head making the latter go cross-eyed before spinning on one foot and falling on the ground.

Emperor hid behind a pillar and whispered, "Dammit...How did that numbskull ended up there?"

Kuja turned to Exdeath and looked perplexed.

"Has Emperor Mateus finally lost his remaining sanity?"

"Maybe so..." Exdeath spoke. He was reluctant to tell Kuja about his feelings now and with a heavy shudder, the fallacious tree left the castle.

The Warrior of Light took one step at a time. He strolled through Ultemecia's clock like castle. There were tables arranged with lavish food set about. It was definitely a bizarre sight. Who would ever be Ultemecia's guest?

"This place reminds me of that clock tower in Peter Pan. Humph, I sense a presence here," he said aloud and his light-saber suddenly appeared in his hand as he called the intruder to come out.

Ultemecia jumped out of from under a table, knocking it backwards.

"Hi there! You sensed my presence again."

"Ultemecia, why can you not go and pick on Squall? I have to find Firion," Light replied with frustration. His worry for his comrade was increasing.

Ultemecia grabbed his arm and boasted about her magazine.

"You are the first choice in the list for the girls. They think you are absolutely handsome! What do you say? Do you want to be out super model?"

"Oh gee, I do not think I could-"

"Splendid! Take a seat, we have to interview you first you mysterious and cheeky boy," The sorceress cut him off. She forced the Warrior of Light to sit on a chair opposite her and grabbed a notepad. She handed him a glass of Ribena and was pleased to hear a word of thanks from the young man.

"Warrior of Light, you have been such a charm to Final Fantasy heroines. What is the secret behind your good looks?" Ultemecia asked in an awfully pleasant voice.

The young man opposite her hesitated. His face was bland.

"Umh...I drink a lot of water and eat the recommended guideline for fruits and vegetables and...Uh...I also train often with my sword. Am I really good looking?" the Warrior of Light asked timidly. He tried to halt the colour from tingeing his cheeks but it was useless.

Ultemecia scratched a few notes on her page.

"And what is your name? This was asked by Rosa Farrell, Lenna Tycoon, Aerith Gainsborough and many more. The list is too long" she said, ignoring his question. The Warrior of Light almost choked on his Ribena.

"N-name? Is it necessary?" he muttered.

Ultemecia rolled her honey-coloured, malevolent eyes.

"Of course it's necessary! Everyone has a name. It's the easiest question to answer. Now tell me your name."

"Can't I skip this question?"

"Stop acting like mystery man. Just tell me your name so I could get on with the interview."

"Hey, is that Bartz's chocobo there, pecking on your food?"

"What!? If that rodent brought his pest into my palace, Griever shall make him bleed!" The witch screamed as she turned to face her extravagant tables.

Nothing was there. Ultemecia shrugged and turned back to Light.

She faced an empty chair and a crooked glass spilling the red Ribena liquid onto her floor.

Cecil placed his arms behind his back to flaunt his well built biceps. There was a flash of white light.

Cloud of Darkness observed him over the rim of her camera and gave him a thumb up.

"That was some excellent modelling Mr. Harvey. You will definitely make the front cover," she said in her melodious voice.

Cecil smiled shyly and returned a thank you to the cloud.

"Meet me here again tomorrow okay? Hardly anyone comes to Chaos' shrine in the early dawn."

"Oh I most certainly will!" Cecil nodded with a solemn expression, "And remember, don't ever tell my allies about me signing up to a model for your magazine. Especially not the Warrior of Light."

The Lunarian waved and ran out of the fiery field.


	4. Kefka's Confession

"Umh...I don't intend on showing myself in this...Garment," Cecil responded in the toilet.

Ultemecia folded her arms while the Cloud of Darkness fiddled with her expensive camera.

"You'll have to come out soon Mr. Harvey, dawn is almost over," Ultemecia retorted. She rubbed her arched eyebrow and felt irritated.

"Mecia, let the boy take his time. Come out whenever you're ready!" reassured the Cloud. She avoided glancing at the sorceress but felt the friction of tension between them. They were trapped in a minuscule excuse of a hotel room for nearly two hours because Cecil refused to come out of the toilet.

The Cloud of Darkness petted one of her hideous tentacles and turned to Ultemecia.

"Any news about Sephiroth?"

The Sorceress shook her head and gave a gloomy sigh.

"No. In fact, he doesn't acknowledge me, let alone know that I even exist." She sat on a dusty red couch. Her eyes focused into some distant past, separating her from the present.

"I think you should forget him. He's a Mama-Boy."

"What! How dare you mock my Sephy! I will never give up on him," Ultemecia almost pounced on the Cloud who merely examined a painting on the wall.

"What an interesting item of surveillance..."she spoke softly. Ultemecia glanced at the painting. There was a man in it with long silver hair and he held a long silver sword. He had an attractive masculine physiognomy and wore leather clothing.

"Isn't that..."

"Sephiroth? Oh no...Ultemecia, I think this is his room" gulped the Cloud of Darkness. Ultemecia's eyes widened in shock. She fell into the red couch again and held her breath.

"What the hell is Sephiroth doing in this dingy little hotel room? I mean, what could he be up to in such a lowly building like this?" the witch stammered. Her ally shrugged with a grimace.

"Whatever it is, I don't think it's our business to interfere. He could stab us like he did to that Ancient girl if we try to foil with his plans. Let's get out of here," the Cloud grabbed Ultemecia's wrist and floated through the door of the room, however, forgetting that Ultemecia didn't have the ability to float through objects, the Cloud ended on the other side without the witch.

"Huh? Ultemecia, where are you?" she looked around her. A whimper was her reply. The door swung open and Ultemecia stood on the threshold angrily. Her nose was bleeding and her hair was dishevelled.

"You bitch!"

"Come on, we don't have time for that!" the Cloud of Darkness grabbed Ultemecia's horned head this time and drifted out through the wall and outside the hotel, once again forgetting that Ultemecia didn't have her cloud like abilities.

"Where did she go this time?" When the Cloud hovered back through the thick wall she found Ultemecia sprawled on the filthy green carpet, her face was a pulped mess.

* * *

Zidane and Bartz played a game of tag in the rift.

"Wow, Bartz, you look like an oaf playing with a guy four years younger than you!" teased Zidane. Bartz frowned and somersaulted over the thief. Zidane came to halt but tripped over his own feet.

"Hah! Who's the oaf now!" he almost screamed. Zidane rubbed the back of his head. Bartz suddenly looked guilty and extended a hand towards his best friend who accepted it gratefully.

They both laughed at their own antics. Bartz grabbed Zidane and rubbed his knuckles against the short warrior's head.

Zidane laughed while his friend mimicked him.

"Gosh Bartz, you can't mimic everything that we do!"

Bartz complained how he had no other special abilities like the others but Zidane's eyes were focused on an oncoming figure in the distance.

The Wandering Wind flailed his hand in front of Zidane's face but the latter was still focused on their unexpected 'guest'.

"Ex-Death?" Zidane blurted.

Ex-Death stood a few feet away from the young warriors. Bartz quirked a brow as he realised his arch enemy was not armed.

"What kind of trick are you planning this time? Shouldn't you be away somewhere and dreaming when everything shall be nothing and 'all will return to the Void?'" he asked, rolling his eyes.

Ex-Death shrugged his arm at them as if dismissing the question. He cleared his throat and scratched his chest before speaking.

"To love or not to love, that is the question...What to love or not to love? That is the Real question. I wander aimlessly yet my mind is filled with sweet thoughts of you...You, being the creamy white chocolate that not even the Void would dare to eat. You are a wisp of ethereal delight, so pure in your youth and so exuberant. Yet I, being a malignant tree am deemed unworthy of your love..."

A moment of silenced passed the three as they simply stared at each other. Bartz lifted his eyebrow even further, his face was expressing shock.

Zidane's mouth had extended way below his jaw; his long hair was blowing in the breeze which made the only sound in the Rift while Ex-Death simply continued scratching his chest.

The friends glanced at each other before falling to the floor and clutching their stomachs to ease the cramps that arose from their laughter.

Ex-Death regarded them in confusion. Was it this hard for someone to understand his feelings?

He plucked up the courage to ask.

"I do not understand? Was it something I said?" but his question only caused the boys to snigger even harder.

Bartz choked on his saliva and pounded his fist against his sternum before turning back to Ex-Death with watery eyes.

"Geesh, I don't see any female trees around here Ex-Death, but if I come across one, I'll let them know that you're looking for a partner," he snorted with a wink.

Ex-Death felt the muscles in his throat tighten. How could Bartz have mistaken his feelings to be those for an evil female tree!

"Well, I see you're in a sentimental and Shakespearean mood today, so I won't fight with you. Gotta go and good luck in finding a tree," Bartz teased. He motioned Zidane to follow him.

The two warriors of Cosmos ran from the Sorcerer, their laughter still ringing in Ex-Death's...organs that are equivalent to ears.

"Gone again..."

"Hello! That was quite some show back there!" a too familiar voice yelled behind him. Ex-Death faced Kefka, the clown who had no friends. He was the most hated among all of Chaos' cronies for his annoying and fickle behaviour.

Kefka clapped his hands before moving his fingers as if he was playing like Mozart on the piano.

"Return to the palace, clown. The Rift has no place for maggots like you," Ex-Death sneered. The last thing he wanted was Kefka to go around the place and telling the others about his unusual speech.

The white-faced harlequin grabbed Ex-Death's cloak and rubbed the hems of it with his hands.

"For a minute there, I thought you were addressing the speech to the rodent! I never knew you were in need of another tree!"

"Be gone, fool," Ex-Death wrung himself from Kefka's grasp. The clown merely threw his head back and cackled.

"You know, I've been meaning to tell everyone but I think Firion's HOT!" he screamed and clapped his hands together again.

A gasp escaped from Ex-Death's mouth as he remembered the last time Kefka and Firion faced each other in battle: _Eeeeeeew! You're hot!_

"And now I'm gonna tell everyone about your little secret that you're in love with another tree," Kefka sang in a sing-song voice, shaking his head from side to side.

Ex-Death estimated that Kefka had taken too much sugar again but his hyperactivity was more likely caused from the magicite he wore in his underpants.

How could an evil tree like Ex-Death get rid of an annoying clown?

He sent him to the Void. Kefka clutched onto the edges of nothingness, pleading the Sorcerer to release him.

"You will remain there until you get some discipline learnt." Ex-Death spurned on his heel and vanished.

"This ain't over, you PIECE OF BARK! COME BACK HERE!" Kefka screamed but he only prodded a fist in empty space and darkness as he fell into the vacuum.

* * *

Loner in the whole wide world, he was merely a spectator in this Conflict, assisting in what he believed was good. Golbez stood watch in the castle of Pandemonium for that was the place most likely to have encounters with the young warriors of Cosmos.

"Oh Cecil, I hope you are doing okay," he sighed.

"Golbez, I was looking all over for you." Emperor Mateus approached the tall combatant, holding a plastic plate in one hand.

"Emperor, what's..." but Golbez didn't want to ask. On the plate was the tastiest chocolate fudge cake he had ever seen. The mere sight of it caused his stomach to churn.

"Could I have a piece of that please?" Golbez murmured, extending a hand towards the delicious dessert.

The Emperor gasped and pushed his hand away. The last thing the malicious wanna-be ruler wanted was Golbez to have gas problems.

Yes, Emperor Mateus had shamefully added gas impending solutions to the cake...For none other than his rival Garland.

"This is a gift for dear Garland, okay? You musn't touch it!" he snapped at the younger man who bowed his head in defeat and shuddered.

"Why does Garland get a gift and I don't?" Golbez sniffed. He removed his helmet and wiped his tear stricken face.

"Stop whining you fool, I only give gifts to those I deem worthy of gifts from my beautiful self," Mateus replied. His lack of empathy caused Golbez to sob.

The metal combatant placed his large helmet back on and stopped as they heard footsteps approach them.

A man with a large wing protruding from his shoulder blade limped over to them. His hair was unruly as was his appearance. He was covered in bruises, his shirt torn, his pants bemired. The man looked like he was coming back after playing with vicious pigs.

"Sephiroth, what in my precious name happened to you?" gasped Mateus. He took a step back and grimaced in disgust.

Sephiroth's eyes burned with ire. He grabbed the Emperor's collars and lifted him up against the wall.

"Where is it!" he barked.

Mateus yelped and motioned Golbez to hold the plate, who did so willingly.

"Wh-what are you speaking of?" the blonde man inquired. He whimpered as Sephiroth's dirty hands stained his face.

Sephiroth punched Mateus in the eye, leaving a purple bruise on the sensitive area. Golbez kept his distance and pretended to be interested in a crack on the wall.

"Just tell me where it is, or else!"

"Or else what? You'll go and tell your mother about this?"

"Yeah."

"You're unbelievable! And whatever you're looking for, I don't have it!" screamed Mateus. Sephiroth punched the other man once again. The Emperor roared in pain and whimpered how his beautiful face was getting destroyed.

"You know clearly what I'm talking about, you impudent bastard..."

"Look Sephiroth, please! I swear upon your mother that I didn't take what you're looking for!"

The Emperor's plea caused Sephiroth to deliver another blow. Golbez winced at Mateus' shrieks and stole glances at his allies now and then. He continued to survey the crack on the wall and murmured how interesting it was.

"How dare you swear with your filthy tongue on my mother! Now tell me where Firion's Wild Rose and bandanna are!"

The Emperor almost choked.

"Firion did this to you! Why in hell's burning inferno would I steal his BANDANNA!"

Sephiroth pondered on this thought and let go of the Emperor. Golbez turned to them.

"There's a crack on this wall and it really fascinates me," he nodded. His comrades ignored him. Sephiroth glanced down at Mateus.

"You better get running and find Firion's belongings cause I told him you took them."

"What!" the Emperor bellowed. He snatched the plate from Golbez's large, clumsy hands and pulled strands of hair that had fallen out of place behind his ears.

"Hello worthless fools. What's going on here? Well hit me, what happened to you two?" Garland approached the area with Jecht by his side.

"Garland! Here, I made this for you!" the Emperor waved the plate at Garland who huffed in excitement when he eyed the cake but before he could reach for it, Jecht grabbed the cake and ate it in one go.

"Mmmm, delicious..."

* * *

Squall stuck a bright blue bandanna into Onion Knight's shoes. Cloud stood guard at the entrance of the child's tent.

"This is the most lame of ideas you ever came up with Squall..."he said. Squall grunted about puppets which caused Cloud to shut up.

Cloud rolled his eyes. Squall was definitely going too far as to place Firion's favourite bandanna into Onion Knight's shoes.

"They don't call Luneth the 'Onion' Knight for no reason! His shoes smell like the most putrid onion from hell," laughed Squall, pinching the bridge of his nose.

* * *

"Dad!" Tidus withdrew his Brotherhood sword and approached his father in the place where the dreams of Zanarkand never left.

Jecht was clutching onto his stomach. He extended the hand towards his son, beckoning him to stay away.

"You can't tell me to go now, Dad. We have to settle this Conflict between us, okay? Now come and fight me like a man!" Tidus settled into a fighting position.

"Son...Not now..." A terrifying wind ripped through the air around them. Tidus crinkled his nose before grabbing his face with his hands.

"Ugh! Dad! That's terribly rude!"

The rancid smell bolstered into the young man's nostrils as more gas filled the atmosphere. Jecht knelt onto the floor, moaning in discomfort.

Tidus' eyes brimmed with tears as more disturbing sounds escaped from his father. He fell to the ground and was certain that he lost his sense of smell. Jecht fell beside him.

"I hate you Dad..." Tidus squeaked and banged a fist on the blue concrete.

"I know son...I know..."


	5. Mysteries

A heart that rummaged against his ribcage, a beautiful face now battered with sore bruises but a soul that was always tainted with evil, Sephiroth entered his secret apartment shortly after the encounter with Emperor Mateus.

He groaned heavily and sank into an armchair after pulling his boots off.

"Soon Mother, you will be revived. I've gathered locks of hair from nearly all of the Warriors. All I need to do is get a strand of Strife and Leonhart's hair to complete your regeneration..." he sniggered and wiped a wound across his forehead. That was a futile move.

He stood up and raised his arms into the air before breaking into a song about Jenova.

"_From the skies you did fall,_

_Everyone feared your murderous call,_

_You gave me divine strength,_

_And silver hair that's never unkempt._

_You gave me eyes of malice,_

_And promised me a land and palace! _

_Another world we will conquer,_

_And make these fools go totally bonkers,_

_Mother, hear me out!_

_I will finish what you once sought._

_And then everyone will bow to you,"_

"Ladies, I totally hate this tutu!" shrieked an awry voice from the toilet. Sephiroth paused immediately and hid behind the couch.

Does someone know about his secret hideout?

"Ladies, it's been a whole hour and I haven't heard anything from you. Are you watching the television about some madman singing about his Mother?" the fatigued voice called out.

"_Madman_!" Sephiroth growled silently. His hand slid to the handle of his sword. The voice was coming from the toilet. Someone was definitely in his room.

Sephiroth tiptoed to towards the bathroom cautiously and stood in his warfare stance.

"Get out!" he snarled, pointing his Musamune at the door. There was shuffling inside. The door swung open.

Sephiroth's jaw dropped open at the sight before him.

"Harvey, what in the Planet's name -..."

"Sephiroth, what're you doing here?" gasped Cecil. The young warrior was clad in a voluptuous pink tutu. Sephiroth felt his knees grow weak at the Lunarian's resplendent beauty.

Cecil Harvey looked gorgeous with his pale white foundation and luscious red lipstick.

The young warrior was struck with shock and embarrassment.

"I think you need some brotherly time with Golbez, Harvey. You spend too much time with Cosmos' effeminate warriors. I never knew you were trans –..."

"Don't even go there! It's not what you think," Cecil spluttered. A prominent blush danced across his cheeks. He pushed Sephiroth out of the way and scrambled out of the room, never thinking once why Sephiroth was hiding in a hotel room.

* * *

"Aaargh..." The Warrior of Light rubbed his head. Terra sat beside him.

"Is something wrong?" she asked in her sweet voice. Light nodded in pain.

"I feel as if someone pulled a chunk of my hair out when I was asleep," he moaned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I feel the same!" stated Terra. Light rolled his eyes.

"Please do not be empathetic with me, Lady Terra. I understand your kindness but I don't need any empathy."

Terra quirked her eyebrow. The Onion Knight mouthed 'weirdo' behind her. He walked towards the pair.

"Actually Light, I felt the same too." He said solemnly. The Warrior of Light glanced at the kid in confusion.

"Something strange is happening around us," he murmured, "Firion hasn't returned. Cloud and Squall are missing. You are limping as if some bandana was crammed into your shoe. Bartz and Zidane encountered a confused Ex-Death and Kefka vanished from existence! Now we all feel as if someone pulled chunks of our hair out!"

"You forgot about Tidus' misfortune," said Luneth.

"What happened to Tidus?" Terra asked anxiously.

"He lost his sense of smell."

"How did that happen!" Terra and Light huffed simultaneously.

"It was a case of Bad Air against his father," explained Luneth. The three surveyed the area for Tidus.

The blitz ball player was surrounded by garlic and onions but he was pinching his nose in frustration

"I'm very worried about Firion. We haven't seen him in four days. He's probably alone...Wounded...Broken..."whispered Light.

Far away in the distance, a cluster of Chaos' manikins were pleading for mercy from the Weapon Master. Firion was enclosed with amputated limbs and lonely organs.

"Have mercy!" cried a Kuja manikin. Firion took his lance and penetrated it deep into the manikin's skull.

"Not until I find the Emperor, no one will be spared!"

* * *

Chaos walked his way to the toilet and noticed a horrible stench in the atmosphere.

There was a long queue for the lavatory. Kuja was waiting at the door. Behind him was Garland. After Garland was Gabranth.

"What's going on here?" Chaos mused. His voice boomed dangerously against the walls.

"Jecht has been in the toilet for ages, that fiend. He's a worse dog than I, master," squeaked Gabranth.

Chaos pushed past the line and knocked on the door.

"Jecht? How long have you been in there?" he asked.

A groan was his reply. Chaos sneered in disgust.

"Worthless fool. I had a dream about this..."

"My Lord, what should we do now? I doubt my kidneys can hold any longer," wheezed Garland.

"Had I a magic wand, I would have granted everyone their own opulent toilet!" Kuja whined.

Chaos rubbed the bridge of his nose to stop an imminent headache.

"I'm afraid you boys will have to use the girl's toilets for now. It seems that Jecht has some serious gas issues to deal with. Be gone the three of you."

"That is no fair! I am a cur, a stray, a bitch! How can you treat bitches this way?" Gabranth screeched. Garland plunged his elbow into the Judge's waist.

"What he means my Lord is: Thank you for the spectacular advice."

Gabranth watched Garland in hatred.

_I will have revenge_, he thought.

* * *

Bartz and Zidane were playing a game of volleyball. Terra was sitting in the field close to them and playing chess with her imaginary friend, Xemnas.

"Hey Bartz, remember that weird speech Ex-Death told us?" Zidane caught the ball. Bartz placed a hand on his hip impatiently and sighed in frustration.

"Why do you have to bring this up all the time?"

"No, seriously, I think Ex-Death likes one of us but I don't know if it's you or me!" Zidane exclaimed.

Bartz shook his head. He walked to Zidane's side of the pitch and snatched the pink ball from the thief.

"That's a crazy theory. Evil trees don't have amiable feelings and if he did, I'm not saying he does, he would like Cosmos or Terra. He would like _women_! Not..." Bartz paused. There was a scream of anguish.

The two glanced in Terra's direction. The blonde thrashed her arms in the air. She stopped when they ran to her side.

"Terra, what happened? Is it Kefka?" asked Bartz.

"No..."Terra sobbed. Zidane and Bartz furrowed their eyebrows.

"Is it Cloud? Is he scaring you again with his emo attitude?" asked Zidane.

"No..."

"It can't be Cloud. Luneth thinks he eloped with Squall or something. They've been missing ever since Firion left! Anyways, is it your Esper half?" asked Bartz.

"No..."

"You're worried about Tidus' nose?"

"No..."

"Light is creeping you out? I know he creeps me out!"

"No..."

"I know what it is," Zidane stated. He looked at Bartz gravely.

"You heard what we were talking about, didn't you? About Ex-Death?"

"No! I lost against a Nobody!" Terra cried. She kicked the chessboard petulantly. Zidane gave a sigh of relief.

"What were you guys talking about anyway?" Terra said hurriedly.

"Believe me, you wouldn't wanna know."

* * *

Ex-Death moved his finger through the calendar in his room. He stifled a gasp and floated out, after all, he floated quicker than he walked.

Ex-Death stopped outside Ultemecia's room and knocked loudly against the door.

"Come in," came a hoarse, female voice. So Ex-Death entered.

Ultemecia was sitting before her dressing mirror. Her face was plastered in bandages. She sneered at the Tree who intruded her privacy.

"What do you want?" the Sorceress snapped.

Her room was neat with many clocks. The tick-tock sounds were almost unbearable. Ultemecia had strange wallpaper that continuously swirled into spirals causing the illusion that the room was moving.

Ex-Death blinked a few times.

"I need a love potion," he muttered.

Ultemecia raised her eyebrow. Her lips curled into a malicious grin. She threw her head back in laughter.

"Why would you need a love potion? You are in love with someone? I hope it isn't that rodent!" she cackled and wiped a tear from her eyes.

Ex-Death pursed his lips and reached inside his large wallet from the Void.

"I thought you'd be saying that so..." he said while rummaging through his wallet, "I stole these from the Cloud of Darkness' room."

Ex-Death pulled out a group of photographs and scattered them across the floor. Ultemecia's eyes enlarged in trepidation.

"You wouldn't want me to tell Golbez that you and the Cloud are taking dirty pictures of his younger brother, would you?" It was Ex-Death's turn to laugh. He took the photos back and placed them in his wallet.

Ultemecia grimaced at the sound. She reached inside one of her drawers and withdrew a small vial filled with a bright pink liquid. It smelt like roses and lavenders.

She handed the vial over to Ex-Death.

"You're a very wise witch Ultemecia," the green Sorcerer teased before he spurned on Ultemecia and left.

* * *

Kefka never felt alone anywhere because he always had himself to talk to. The Void was no different to him. Yes, it was dark and gloomy but he still had himself...

"I like magicite. It's so strong."

"No! I like it better than you!"

"Shut up you indignant clown! I said I like magicite. Don't like what I like!"

"You cackling buffoon. You're no better than a piece of dirt."

"You're the one covered in dirt. You were beaten by that talking tree, Ex-Death."

"Are you serious? I was beaten by him too!"

"No way...What did he do to you?"

"He sent me to the Void!"

"That's exactly what he did to me. He wants everything to turn to nothing."

"Death without destruction? Boring!"

"Death without destruction? Boring!"

"Hey, stop mimicking me you worthless son of a bitch!"

"Hey, stop mimicking me you worthless son of a bitch!"

"I warned you!"

Kefka ran around the vacuum in hectic circles, slapping his backside. He screamed in frustration. Flare magic formed between the tips of his fingers. He twisted his hands like some Kung-Fu warrior and thrust the throbbing magic into the air.

"SNAFFETCHERCRAAAAGH!"

The Harlequin stamped on the ground like a petulant child.

"_You are lost?"_

Kefka snapped into a fighting position and looked around cautiously.

"Who's there?"

"_A friend and I want to help you..."_ the voice renounced.

"I ain't want no stinking friends! If you want to be my friend then lick my toenails clean!"

"_That, I would gladly do."_

Kefka raised his eyebrow. No one ever wanted to lick his toenails clean before. When he was the Emperor's assistant, he forced the servants to do it. No one did it willingly.

"_We were both betrayed by Ex-Death. Let's get revenge on him together,"_ the mysterious voice continued.

Kefka nodded and pondered on this thought while hopping on one foot. He clicked his thumb against his middle finger and smiled broadly.

"You're Gilgamesh! Aren't you?"

"_Emh...No." _A figure stepped through the darkness. Kefka gasped.

"I must be dreaming..."

* * *

**Author's Notes: Sorry about the long wait. I have exams at the end of this month so it'll take me awhile to update my stories. Thank you all so much for the kind reviews, the alerts and the favs. It's you guys that give me the motivation to keep writing. :)**

**While you're waiting for the next chapter here are some things to think about:**

**1. Will Sephiroth's plan be successful with Cloud and Squall missing?**

**2. When will Firion find out that it's his own allies that are messing with him?**

**3. Why did Ex-Death want the love potion?**

**4. Did Terra really hear Bartz and Zidane's conversation?**

**5. Will Gobez know what Ultemecia and the Cloud of Darkness are doing with his brother?**

**6. Who is the person that wants to help Kefka? here's a clue, he/she is not from final fantasy but from a Disney show.**

** ofcourse, will Bartz ever know about Ex-Death's feelings?**


	6. Valentine's Day Part One

Pink – it was everywhere, from the pink snow on the top of the mountains to the exquisite pink dress that Cosmos was wearing. Everything was basically _pink_.

The Warrior of Light had no idea why there was a halcyon atmosphere surrounding all the worlds because of this colour _pink_.

Terra stepped out of her room dressed in a sequined soft pink dress which ended below her knees in shimmering strings. Her cheeks were powdered with heavy blush that went well with her bright apple-pink lipstick. It was the first time ever that Light saw her hair loose around her shoulders.

"Lady Terra...You look amazing but may I ask why everyone is so excited today?" the Warrior of Light asked. Terra's new look was intimidating. He made sure to keep a good distance between them.

"But Light it's Valentine's Day! Surely you've heard of Valentine's day haven't you?" she asked. She gasped lightly when the Warrior shook his head.

"You've never heard of Valentine's Day...Oh you poor thing. You mean to tell me that you missed out on candle-light dinners with your special person?" she said, her eyes filled with sympathy. Light pondered on this information displayed before him.

"What do you mean _special _person?" Light stammered with a raised eyebrow. A prominent blush danced across Terra's already saturated cheeks.

"You know what Light? I think Zidane could teach you about the events that happen on Valentine's Day," she nodded.

"I suppose that sounds adequate. Where are you heading off to though?" the Warrior of Light enquired when Terra slipped passed him. She almost tripped in her stilettos and described how she was needed somewhere else.

Light shrugged. Surely Terra wasn't hiding anything from him, was she? Most likely not, she was a good girl...

He scanned the castle of Cosmos for Zidane but a different blonde caught his eyes. The latter was dressed in a lavish black tuxedo complete with frilly handcuffs and a red dickey-bow.

"Cloud Strife?" The mention of his name caused the blonde to jerk. He hushed Light.

"Not out loud. I'm not even supposed to be here!" Cloud hissed. Light was slightly taken aback.

"I do not understand. Are you telling me that you should be with Chaos and his combatants instead?" Light dismayed. Cloud's hand smacked his own forehead.

"You naive little bastard...So naive..." the Ex-Soldier murmured. Light scratched his temple.

"What's a bastard?" he asked meekly. Cloud groaned quietly and left without another word. His behaviour piqued Light's curiosity. He decided to follow.

* * *

Bartz jumped out of bed. He was waiting long for this day.

"I hope Lenna send me something. I know Faris would never!" he said to himself. Bartz jumped with joy at the sight of heart-shaped presents at the end of his bed. He reached for the first one and ripped the paper apart.

"Oh, it's my favourite Pure Moogle chocolate! I'll take this one."

The Wandering Wind picked a round white chocolate and threw it into his mouth, sucking it so it could melt inside the heat. It was delicious and creamy, a piece of delight for the heart like the box it came from.

Zidane danced into the room holding a new silver watch.

"Bartz, I got this cool watch from Garnet. Bartz...Bartz!" the thief screamed. Bartz was lying limply on the bed with a scattered box of chocolates.

Zidane rushed to his friend's side and shook him frantically. He held Bartz' hair and slapped him a few times but the Mimic didn't wake up.

"Wake up! Aaaaah!" Zidane shrieked.

Tidus rushed into the room.

"Murderer!" he screamed, unleashing his sword. Zidane shook his head in denial and joined his hands.

"It wasn't me -"

"You murderer! You killed one of your own kind! Murderer! We've got a murderer!" Tidus bellowed. Zidane fell on his knees in tears. Shantotto entered the little room.

"My, my, what's all this racket about? I was just on my way out. What happened to that young man? We must see if we could help, if we can," she said, striding towards Bartz with a pail of cold water. With one strong gesture, she poured the water on the Wandering Wind.

Bartz jolted up, screaming as if he just woke up from a nightmare. His pupils were dilated and he looked paler than usual.

"I-must-leave," he said monotonously while leaping out of bed. Zidane asked him what was wrong but he received no reply.

"Must-meet-my-true-love," Bartz said while leaving the room. Tidus glanced back at Shantotto with a shocked expression.

"It seems to me that he was given a love potion. Either that is the matter or a late night concoction. I'll leave it to you boys to work out a solution. I have a date with Gabranth, that's my conclusion. Toodles!" Shantotto sang as she left the room.

"That bitch seems more concerned about her date than what could happen to Bartz! We have to follow and make him snap out of it," exclaimed Zidane. Tidus nodded and headed out after their friend.

* * *

Squall walked across Pandemonium, his arm holding his sword against his back.

"Where did that puppet go?"

Sounds of shuffling echoed around the walls. Squall hid behind one of the protruding walls and narrowed his eyes. Perhaps Cloud was coming.

The blonde had suddenly disappeared today when they were supposed to search for Firion. Why did Cloud disappear? Squall had no idea. All he knew that Rinoa will kill him for cancelling their date.

"For the last time, Ultemecia, I don't have the time to take you to the funfair," a voice resounded close by. Sephiroth appeared out of a crack in the wall with Ultemecia chasing after him.

Squall stifled a laugh. Since when did Ultemecia have a crush on Sephiroth? The sorceress was dressed in an elegant long black dress complete with a witch's hat. Her long hair was cascading down to the ground.

Sephiroth leaned against a wall, pushing into it to avoid any close contact with Ultemecia. The sorceress held his shoulders. She was dangerously close to him.

"Come on Seph, admit it. Am I not beautiful?" she purred. Sephiroth swallowed a lump in his throat. He trembled nervously. Squall resisted the urge to puke. He stepped away from his hiding place.

"Enough is enough! Did you kidnap Cloud?" he barked. Ultemecia snapped herself away and glared at the SeeD.

"What are you doing here?"

"None of your business. Just looking for a comrade of mine," Squall replied.

"You! I was waiting for you," Sephiroth uttered. Ultemecia shrieked.

"You were waiting for him!" She ran away, screaming and crying. Sephiroth sighed with relief.

"You're not very good with the ladies are you? Too bad you have so many fan girls," Squall smirked.

Sephiroth returned the smile and withdrew his sword. He slammed the handle across Squall's head.

The SeeD gasped in agony before his vision dwindled to black.

* * *

The Warrior of Light followed Cloud to a world he had never seen before. It was a broken church decorated with the most beautiful tulips.

A beautiful woman was sorting out a bouquet in the middle of all the flowers. She wore a pink dress with a matching mahogany, bolero jacket. A long braid fell down past her waist, held by a pink ribbon.

The Warrior of Light parted his lips in awe.

"What a beautiful lady," he whispered to himself. Cloud cleared his throat to get the woman's attention. She turned her graceful head towards the Ex-Soldier; light poured in from a crevice in the roof and illuminated her divine features.

"You came," she said. Her voice was mellow and sweet.

"Aerith...You are the one who asked me to," Cloud replied. He shivered uncomfortably in his tuxedo. Aerith giggled and moved a step closer to her companion.

"What about Tifa?" she asked, concerned. Cloud sighed and ran his hand through his spikes.

"You know she would never ask me out for anything. She's not as outspoken as you are."

Aerith shook her head in sympathy; the bangs that framed her face flowed with the gentle movement. She embraced Cloud which caused the blonde to jump. He merely stared at the young woman in amazement.

Light grinned. He never would have guessed that Cloud had two women chasing after him. The guy was a recluse.

His heart urged him to find Zidane so he could learn tips on how to attract women. Surely Cloud couldn't be as charming as he was.

As much as he endeavoured to leave to search for Zidane, he didn't want to leave this romantic scene. Cloud was an enigma that he had to understand and if the Soldier dared duel him in the future, he could use this moment as a black-mail opportunity.

Light's hero and heroine were now strolling out of the church, hand in hand.

* * *

Jecht wore a rugged black suit that had torn patches in a few places

"Mmm-Hmm, I love Valentine's Day," he grinned while fixing his black tie.

If there was any woman that attracted him in these realms, it was Cosmos herself.

Yes, he betrayed her and went to join Chaos instead but maybe she could forgive him this once?

* * *

Ex-Death waited under a street lamp that afternoon. His hands quivered nervously behind his back. A figure in the distance was approaching him.

"Bartz, what an unexpected surprise!" he said with feigned disbelief.

"Need-To-Go-To-Funfair-With-True-Love" Bartz replied in the same monotone voice. Ex-Death found this confusing. It didn't say on the love potion that the subject will have robotic symptoms but then again, Ultemecia was an untrustworthy witch.

"Did you get my box of chocolates I send to you?" he asked as politely as he can. The sorcerer scanned the area and sighed with relief to find no one here

"Need-To-Go-To-Funfair-With-True-Love."

"For the void's sake..." Ex-Death whispered, "shall we go now?"

"Need-To-Go-To-Funfair-With-True-Love," Bartz answered back.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

**So sorry about the late reply everyone. Okay, this chapter is a bit short but the next one will be longer and more comedic, that's my promise to you. :) Keep up the reviews and I hope you enjoyed reading.**


	7. Valentine's Day Part Two

The Warrior of Light had always thought that Cloud was reticent but he never knew the blonde was shy.

He grinned while Cloud blushed at everything the beautiful Aerith told him, sometimes facing the floor with pure embarrassment.

"Cloud, are you having a good time?" Aerith asked suddenly. Cloud stammered a few incoherent words.

Light giggled. This was too good to be true. This was too cute.

"You know, I've always liked the way you're so inarticulate," the brunette said with a warm smile. Her hand brushed through Cloud's bangs. The couple gazed into each others' eyes and slowly leaned closer, their foreheads touching.

Light leaned closer too with anticipation, his hands joined in hope that he will spy on Cloud kissing.

Just then, a hand closed over his eyes and his mouth. Light gagged helplessly before falling into unconsciousness.

* * *

Jecht whistled loudly, prancing his way towards the Golden Saucer funfair. All the Dissidia warriors were there so...Cosmos had to be there too.

He passed a jubilant Cecil and Rosa. Cecil was walking on a path of fire to win a bunch of pansies for Rosa. Jecht stifled a lie. Young love was so foolish...

He passed a Gabranth and Shantotto. Gabranth had a hard time hearing what the poetic moogle was telling him due to the great difference in their height. Jecht stifled another laugh.

He stopped in his tracks and watched the Emperor crouching low, looking through a pack of cards.

"Hey, you ain't got a partner for Valentine 's day?" Jecht asked curiously. The Emperor ordered him to shut up for the blond man was plotting on how to get Garland into trouble.

"And Gabranth offered to help me after Chaos instructed us men to use the ladies' toilets," he spat, narrowing his eyes at the burly blitz ball player.

Jecht rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.

"Hey, but what did Garland do so wrong? I was the one who left an awful stench in the men's toilets..." Jecht forgot what he had intended to say as a young raven haired man in clothes similar to Cloud's approached them.

The blitz ball player raised his eyebrows as the man leaned over and gave the Emperor a luscious kiss on the cheek, who returned a kiss on the younger man's chin.

"And how's my lovey-dovey Mateus today?" the man teased, tickling the Emperor's side. Jecht decided to retreat a step back and thanked Yevon inwardly that Tidus didn't turn out like this.

"Zacky-poo, you came early," the Emperor purred. Zack smiled boisterously and leaned in to kiss Mateus. Jecht interrupted them with a piercing scream. He pointed at the young man with mako eyes.

"You-you're dating the Emperor?"

"Yep! I started ever since I died in final fantasy seven. Thanks to Dissidia, I've found my true love," Zack replied dreamily, planting a wet kiss on the Emperor's hand. Jecht's lips curled with disgust.

"Aren't you too young, boy?" he stammered. This scene will never leave his memories...

"The boundaries of age won't stop me for that is the pride of a Soldier."

"You mean, you're gay?" Jecht asked as he took another step away.

"Oh of course, I'm always paired up with guys on fan fiction, almost as much as Genesis Rhapsodos," Zack chuckled. He held a hand out and cocked his head to the side, a cheeky smile on his face.

"Want a kiss? I'm a good kisser. Just ask the Emperor!"

"Aaargh!" Jecht yelped and dashed through Zack, making sure to kick the latter in the private before leaving the world of Gold Saucer.

* * *

Ex-Death handed Bartz his Cot and Candy.

"Thank-You" Bartz said, his voice still had the ridiculous monotonous tone. Ex-Death sighed with frustration. He will have to speak with Ultemecia once this date is over.

"So...Let's go to the theatre?" he suggested.

"Must-Go-With-My-True-Love," came his reply. Ex-Death growled and placed his claws on his helmet.

"Aaargh! The Emperor is dating a creepy homosexual man!" a yell echoed in the distance. Ex-Death gasped. It sounded like Jecht.

"Come!" he stated, grabbing Bartz's wrist and running into the theatre.

Suddenly, a spotlight flashed upon the two and fireworks lit inside the theatre.

A chubby man in a tuxedo walked over to them, clapping his hands.

"Congratulations! You're our one-hundredth couple. As a reward, you get to star in our play!" he welcomed.

Ex-Death turned the offer down politely but the man insisted. The fallacious tree prepared to choke the irritating fat man but he heard Jecht shrieking and crying outside the theatre.

"Fine! We'll do it!" Ex-Death exclaimed.

* * *

Zidane and Tidus were lost in a crowd at the Gold Saucer. Zidane surveyed the area frantically. Many couples were dressed in fancy clothes. Some were heading to a Masquerade Ball.

"I can't believe we missed him! I wonder who gave him those love potion-chocolates," he mused. Tidus glanced at a giant clock in the distance.

"Holy Yevon, it's almost six in the evening! Zidane, I have to meet Yuna in a few minutes," he told his monkey friend. Zidane pinched the bridge of his nose; a visible vein throbbed on his forehead.

One thing that cracked his nuts was the fact that his best friend was likely kid napped by a paedophile/ molester. The other thing that annoyed him was Tidus constantly mentioning his girlfriend every five seconds.

Zidane jumped to reach Tidus' collars, pulling the taller boy down to eye-level.

"Listen here, whale-fighter, I am trying to look for my friend who is in danger and you'll help me find him," he pulled Tidus closer so the blitz player could see the fire burning in his eyes, " So forget about you're date with Yuna and help me. Losing a warrior of Cosmos is losing this conflict!"

Zidane yelled if Tidus understood him but the other boy was staring over the thief's shoulders with an amused expression.

Curious to why Tidus snorted, Zidane spun to observe the objects of amusement. His eyes widened in shock as he faced Kuja, dressed in a cream coloured tuxedo complete with a matching top-hat, his arm linking Princess' Garnet's.

Tidus moved Zidane's hanging jaw back in its place with his finger. Moisture clouded Zidane's eyes, his lips trembled.

"Garnet, you and Kuja...But-but, what about me?" he whimpered, pointing a finger to his chest. Garnet placed a hand on her hip and gave him a glare.

"You promised to meet me ages ago Zidane and I couldn't wait anymore. I was so upset so Kuja came to take me out," she inquired.

Zidane flashed Kuja a profound snare. The latter merely smirked while encircling his arm around Garnet's waist.

"Is she not the brightest star in this dark night sky? A hirsute beast like you do not deserve such inconceivable beauty," he teased. Zidane could have sworn that humid smoke condensed out from his ear holes.

"So stay with your lover boy over there!" Garnet said as she spurned on him and disappeared in the crowd with Kuja, ignoring an angry shout from Tidus.

"Lover boy? Where did she get that idea?" Tidus replied, clearly livid with incense.

He raised a brow as Zidane fell to floor, bawling like a two year old child. The monkey boy thrashed his limbs in a tantrum, screaming for Garnet to return.

Tidus sighed, a hand pressed against his aching forehead, shaking his mass of hair in disbelief.

"Excuse me?" a voice asked. He turned to face a raven haired girl wearing a blue duster, a black sleeveless top and black shorts. She had a nice, doll-like face.

"Yes, pretty lady?" he said with a grin.

"Have you seen Squall Leonhart? I'm his girlfriend, Rinoa Heartilly. I'm sure he talked a lot about me," she added proudly.

Tidus shook his head. He never heard a word about Rinoa from Squall and neither did he see the brunette since he vanished with Cloud. As much as he wanted to avoid this issue, he had to let Rinoa know the truth.

"Sorry, he eloped with another guy."

"What!" Rinoa's already pale face turned blue with discoloration.

"Trust me, I'm not a liar. None of us have seen him or his supposed lover for a while."

Rinoa's eyes were now brimming with tears. Tidus clasped his hand over his mouth.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry..."

"It's okay but now I don't have any date for Valentine's Day," the girl sobbed. Tidus rubbed his chin. A flash bulb sparked above his head.

"I already have a date but you could come too. Having one girl is awesome but two girls are even awe-some-er!" he suggested.

Rinoa wiped her eyes with a handkerchief Tidus lent her. She offered him a sweet smile and nodded. Tidus watched the convulsed Zidane still lost in a petulant paroxysm. He took Rinoa's hand and left cautiously.

* * *

_The next scene in written in theatre-style content..._

_On the stage, we have a background of a forest and a castle. Autumn leaves are falling endlessly onto the wooden deck. A traditional medieval knight pirouettes onto the stage_

Narrator: Long, long ago...An evil shadow appeared over the peaceful kingdom of Galdia. Princess Rosa was just kidnapped by the Evil Dragon King Valvados. What became of her?

_Ex-Death pirouettes onto the stage close to the knight who reaches the end of his ribs._

Narrator: Just then the legendary hero Alfred appears!

Knight: Oh... You must be the legendary hero...Alfred! Hey it's your line.

_Ex-Death fingers his chest in question. The knight nods quickly._

Knight (aggravatingly): Yeah you...Ahem! Oh...You must be the legendary hero Alfred!

_Ex-Death remains unmoving._

Knight (frustratingly): I know in my soul...Please...Please save Princess Rosa! Now...Please talk to the King!

_The Knight pirouettes to the background of the stage. A stout King wearing a purple cloak enters beside an irritated Ex-Death._

King (with widespread arms): Oh, legendary hero Alfred. You have come to save my beloved Rosa...On the peak of a dangerous mountain dwells the Evil Dragon King, Valvados...Who's kidnapped Princess Rosa!

_Harry Potter pirouettes towards the knight. He waves at Ex-Death and flashes him a toothy grin._

King: Who will you talk to? The wizard or the knight?

Ex-Death (frustratingly): Let us get this over with...

_Ex-Death walks towards the wizard and the knight and points directly into the knight's face._

Harry Potter (astonishingly): Uh, Legendary Hero Alfred, you should really pick me?

Ex-Death: Silence fool! I picked this idiot over here!

Harry Potter: To hell with you!

Ex-Death: There is no hell in the Void. Now do not dare to interrupt, you scar-faced mole.

Harry Potter: Mole! You shall not live now, you piece of bark!

_Harry Potter withdraws a wand from his cloak but the knight steps in between him and Ex-Death._

Knight: He picked me so he picked me but I do ask you, oh Legendary Hero Alfred, what good would a measly knight is of worth to you?

_Just then, a giant green dragon flies onto the stage, carrying Bartz in his claws._

Dragon: I am the evil dragon, Valvados! I have not harmed the Princess...I have been expecting...You!

Bartz: (Silence)

Dragon: Who is your enemy? Say it! The Evil Dragon King, Harry Potter or the Knight?

Ex-Death: This Harry Potter is my enemy.

Harry Potter: Have you lost your mind? You are supposed to fight the Evil Dragon King.

Ex-Death: Frankly, I do not care. Now prepare yourself for battle.

Dragon: Legendary Hero Alfred, I shall fight you instead.

Ex-Death: Silence fool. Come on Harry Potter, let us duel.

Knight: These weren't the lines we have given you.

Ex-Death: I said silence!

Harry Potter: You will regret those words, Legendary Hero Alfred! Aveda Kadevra!

_A flash of green light surrounds the theatre. Once the light clears away, Ex-Death still stands in his taken spot._

Harry Potter (incredulously): I...I can't believe. That's the worst of the Forbidden Curses. You're supposed to be lying on the floor...Dead!

Ex-Death: Mwahahaha! Do you really think your voodoo can work here in Final Fantasy? Think again!

Harry Potter (falling to his knees): H-have m-mercy...

Ex-Death: I never show mercy to anyone but those that heed the Void.

_A shadowed vortex appears beneath Harry Potter's feet. He screams loudly as the vortex sucks him into nothingness. Ex-Death gives a maniacal laugh. The Knight, the King and the Evil Dragon King run off the stage only to be drained into more portals of the Void. People shuffle towards the exit but they too are thrown into the Void._

Ex-Death: Come Bartz, we shall go to the Love Boats instead.

Bart (monotonously): Must-go-with-my-true-love.

_Curtains are drawn._

**Author's notes: Hey everyone! So sorry about the long wait but thanks to those who have sent me a pm about ESS. I really appreciate all the motivation. :) Hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm gonna start an ESS quiz with 10 questions about the story. You can add your answers in the reviews. Please don't pm the answers because I probably wouldn't check it. People who get all the answers correct will have their name put into a hat. Two lucky winners will request any k-T rated story of their choice with any genre included as long as it's not M-rated stuff. ;) Give it a try and good luck! The winners will be announced in the next chapter which will be published in 3-4 weeks time.**

**Quiz:**

**1. In chapter 1, who is jealous of Cecil Harvey?**

**2. In chapter 1, why does the Warrior of Light attack Cecil?**

**3. In chapter 2, who is Ex-Death in love with?**

**4. In chapter 3, what is Firion looking for?**

**5. In chapter 3, who will be the supermodel for Ultemecia and Cloud of Darkness' magazine?**

**chapter 4, what happens to Kefka?**

**7. In chapter 5, who beat Terra in a game of chess?**

**8. In chapter 5, why did Tidus lose his sense of smell?**

**9. In chapter 6, what happens to Bartz and why?**

**10. In chapter 6, who does the Warrior of Light stalk and what does he see?**


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